This was my mom's threat about staying down until next week: "Do you want to breastfeed??"
Yes, yes, I do. And I know it will be infinitely harder with a preemie. So here I lay.
The worst thing for me though is making people do stuff for me. I'm bad at accepting help, and even worse at asking for it. When I do, I feel like I'm nagging. I like taking care of people and am a bad recipient of such care. I know Tim wants to do it, but when he's sitting there reading or studying Arabic, the hardest thing for me to do is demand a glass of water or a back rub. But I know I have to, and I'm learning valuable lessons about service and humility.
Before all of this happened, I felt like my life was getting too easy and I was coasting. I began asking Heavenly Father for trials to teach me more about myself and help me to become a better servant. I know all of this is an answer to that prayer, and I'm doing my best to frame it that way and not complain but rather embrace the little things that are blessings: the fact that Lauren and her family happened to move here, that I actually ended up at the hospital in the first place because otherwise I would've had no idea I was even in labor until it was too late to stop it. That our baby is still healthy and kicking up a storm. That we have wonderful medical care available to us at no cost to us. There are so many good things, and I'm just trying to focus exclusively on them and not so much on the suck-y things like missing a dear friend's wedding and having to pay for another plane ticket.
And because once upon a time I said I would never wear a hospital gown, and would definitely never be hooked up to an EFM:
It's amazing what you're willing to compromise on when your baby is in jeopardy!
ReplyDeleteCait, I just read up on your blog, and I'm so sorry about all the complications, but it seems like you are doing the right thing. we'll keep you in our prayers. much love. (oh, and I had to come back to utah to get a minor kidney surgery, not the same as delivering a baby, but i had to be on the couch asking carl for all sorts of silly things, it was a bummer, but looking back, i would have been much better off if i'd just given in and stayed in bed a few more days.)
ReplyDeleteOh man, I hear ya sister! My Bou came at 33 weeks and was in the NICU for 2 weeks after before she came home. NICU is really hard for embracing parents' needs to nurture and nurse their child. But I persevered and nursed until she weaned herself at 14 months. You are doing the right thing trying to keep that babe in there as long as possible. Children want to come to earth so much, sometimes they just can't wait 40 weeks.
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