Wednesday, September 30, 2009


Can I just say, I'm a fan? I love learning this language because it's a science. Some of the best scholars of the time worked to make a language that made sense and had distinctive patterns because they were working to standardize a language in which the word of God could be read without any misunderstandings. And it was obviously a labor of love. There are some eccentricities, but overall, it is so well organized that it makes English look like a terrible mess. Just think, you take the word for book=kitab, with three consonants KTB. If you switch around the vowels you get katib=writer or katab=to write or kutab=a school to learn "the book" ie the Quran. You add an M and make maktab=desk or office. Add a short a to the end of that you get maktaba=library. And it goes on. There is a root for every word or concept. And all you have to do is take that root and tweak it a bit and you've got a whole list of words that all stem from the same idea. And that's just one example of how impressively organized Arabic is.

It's a kick in the face, a lot of times, to realize how much I have left to learn. But I certainly consider it a privilege.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Looking for an opportunity

I've been feeling this way for a while, but the Sunday School lesson yesterday pushed me over the edge. I need a good volunteer opportunity in Provo. Familysearch Indexing isn't enough to fill the need. Any ideas?

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Atticus is adorable

I like this outfit. And that yawn. Oh, that yawn.

Atticus lost his umbilical cord, actually lost it too. We found it in the couch a while later. We celebrated by taking a bath!

We love our Aden and Anais swaddling blankets. And I got a better deal on them than Lauren.

Atticus loves his gDiapers. They are a lot more comfortable than his disposables. Too bad we only have two. Also, check out those adorable booties.

Our baby is really cool and very mellow.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

There goes 30% of all Sunday School object lessons ever

Should have tried it off-air first.

Real moral: When the average angry uninformed American gets thrown into a heated policy debate, they usually boil to death in their own vitriol.

Update: So, Westin was right. This clip was incomplete. Here's the whole thing:

In my defense, even Brother Beck's own site doesn't have the full clip. Westin said this is a Shyamalan-like twist. If it is, it's "The Village" type for sure. He established a premise, and then completely destroyed the premise, destroying all meaning of what happened before the twist. It still just doesn't make any sense. But, I admit that I did not look hard enough for the whole clip.

But I have a feeling that this is not my last Brother Beck post.

Further update: I still think he threw a frog in. He completely changed what the frog meant after he realized that it wasn't jumping out. I'm starting to think that he was just covering up. Thoughts?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Pediatrician and updates for the grandparents

I like our pediatrician. He doesn't care that we co-sleep and he talked us through all of the vaccines and said it's totally up to us which ones to give but still gave us his recommendations. He taught us how to swaddle our baby. It was a pleasant experience.

What's not pleasant? How much my breasts hurt.

And my baby is breastfeeding POWERHOUSE. I have so much milk, and he wants to eat it all. He's gained a pound since birth. A pound, in two weeks. Wait to go Atticus.

Behold, my baby sleeps at night! Like all night! Co-sleeping is great. He sleeps about four hours, wants to eat, we eat for half an hour, then he's asleep for another four hours. If it wasn't for the darn plugged ducts and mastitis we could just roll over and nurse and then fall back asleep and that would be divine. But I have to apply heat before, pump the other side, apply cold after, take my medicine, etc, etc.

And: A shout-out and huge thanks to my dear, dear friends (Rachel and Sara) who brought us the most amazing dinners this week. Holy yum.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Week 2 Pictures Up

Check out the other blog. Leave a comment with your email if you haven't been invited yet.

Week 2

Here's week two

My dignified family.

Here he is in bed. This is where he sleeps the best.

This is actually the look he gives us the most: the "I can't believe you thought you were qualified for this" look.

Looks a lot like baby Ben in this picture if you ask me.

PS I am actually a part of my sons life. Just mainly the picture taking part. And cuddling. We like that.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

I never thought...

I don't want to gush too much here, because, come on, it's been a year,  I should be able to control myself to some extent.

I just wanted to let everyone know that this marriage thing is much better than I thought it would be. I never thought Cait would be such a good wife. She's absolutely committed to our family and I believe our potential for happiness together is limitless.

I would write more, but now we have to go to our special spot down on center street.

One year ago....

We thought, what the heck let's get married!

And we did.

What a great decision that was.

And what a year it's been.

We've flown across the country eight times.
We've gotten into zero fights, but about four disagreements.
We've had sex in six states and one district.
We've lived in four different apartments/dorm rooms/sister's house.
We've taken 98.5 credit hours.
We've been to four temples.
We've birthed one baby.

It's been a busy year, I'd say. But totally worth it.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Remember how I feeling all great and recovered and I just had a baby a week ago and I'm walking up the stairs south of campus?

Then, I got mastitis.



At least it will force me to stay at home in bed for a few days.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Weekend with baby

Our first weekend as caretakers of a small child was wildly successful. For one, I felt great. For two, there was so much fun to be had and breastfeeding in public to be done.

Luckily we have this thing, which has enabled us to run out and about without lugging around a carseat or stroller, which seems so silly to me now.

Saturday morning involved a trip to the Farmer's Market. A half dozen ears of corn, four apples, and one delicious burrito later, we headed home. Theodore thought it was high time he had some lunch as well, so we stopped on a bench on Center Street for a little feeding session. I didn't think to bring a blanket with me (I'm new to this, ok) and so I'm pretty sure I flashed a few cyclists and pedestrians. But for the first time, it went pretty well. We have mastered the latching on and the continuous eating with the only occasional flail about.

Saturday afternoon: Analiesa came over for a visit then we headed to Ash Mae and Carl's wedding reception. It was absolutely lovely. Theodore was awesome, slept the whole time in the Moby while we ate yummy food and hung out with friends. Near the end, Theodore again decided it high time for him to eat, so I found a nice little bench under a pavilion and nursed away. Charla and Galen sat with us and chatted, and it was quite nice. I also met Sofia! That makes two blog friends I've met in a little over a week. And I liked them both as much in real life as in the blogosphere.

Charla and me.

Galen and TIm.

Finally, on Sunday we attended an ice cream social at the Bishop's and Gordon's un-birthday party. Theodore was a hit at both. He's really cute. The Bishop told me I should've been a pioneer woman I handled childbirthing so great. It was the best compliment I've received yet.

Week 1

Just pictures because I am too busy with schoolwork to write much:

Saturday, September 12, 2009

My Papa

On Wednesday evening in Columbia, SC, my dear sweet Papa died after a rough few years in poor health. Since we all knew it was coming and he was surrounded by his adoring family and close friends, I am not sad about this. I'm disappointed that Theodore doesn't get to meet him and that we don't get to see him again in a few months at Christmas. But Papa was a good man, intensely dedicated to his family and a faithful Saint and disciple of Christ. I know this is what he has wanted for months and months, to be relieved of his ailing, earthly body and reunited with those across the veil, including his daughter, my Aunt Peggy. I love thinking about how happy he is now, but it's always hard for those left behind. As I sit here and look at my sweet new baby boy sleeping next to me, I am so grateful for my knowledge of the Plan of Salvation and eternal families**. This week has been a beautiful testimony to me of the divine, with my bringing Theodore through the veil into this world and my Papa leaving it behind. I know I will see Papa again, and I know that he is proud of me and Tim for how we are living our lives. A year ago next week, he was sealing us for time and all eternity in the Salt Lake Temple. I hope we can keep our covenants and live such a life that the blessings he pronounced upon us will come to pass.

In the mean time, I love you Papa. We all do.

** If you would like to learn more about the Latter-day Saint doctrine of eternal families, you can here.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Baby Soulmates

Atticus and Eliza met for the first time yesterday! It was a momentous occasion. Eliza cried and Atticus slept (like a rock, the whole time). Their little personalities are so funny. I just picture them up there in the pre-mortal life, waiting to go through the veil. Eliza was so feisty and ready and the angels were practically holding her back. Atticus, on the other hand, was pretty relaxed and just fine being up there with no hurry to start this life. Finally, Eliza broke through and jumped, and then Atticus figured it was time for him to do the same (he likes to take his time with things, including passing through the birth canal).

And it's totally visible now. Eliza squirms and makes faces and Atticus just sleeps in a comatose state.

But no matter. They are both the cutest babies I've ever seen.

And yes, we are both wearing BYUSA shirts. Apparently they are ideal for lactation, because they hide the leaky spots well.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Settling In

Our favorite activity is catching up on sleep together.

All Day.

Except when friends like Dr. Hudson come to visit.

Our yellow-themed child.

Major Changes

No, not the baby. That's a super major change. I'm actually thinking about double majoring in comparative literature, because we are going to put off our trip to Egypt (which is part of the requirements of my Middle Eastern Studies/ Arabic major) 'til the summer after next, when, hopefully, we'll have more money saved and we'll have a better handle on being parents. Cait is pretty excited to go with me. So because I'm extending my major by a year, I'm looking to fill some time. Comparative literature is a short major and is something I've always been interested in. I'm wondering if anyone else out there has studied this, or if you have any better suggestions for a better double major (the main requirement is not too many credits required). What do you think?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Birth Story

It all started out in the labor and delivery ward at UVRMC. But actually, it kind of started on a shopping trip to Target in the late afternoon. Well, actually it ALL started out in Tim's childhood bedroom on Christmas Eve.

But regardless, Celia was in labor! And having her baby! And I was there! And then I started having some pretty intense surges that would not let up. I want to first off, just tell everyone how awesome she was. When I got there around 8 they were hooking her up to some pitocin (her membranes had been released for quite some time) and then a little bit later she got an epidural from a nice Indian doctor. Through it all, she rocked. After her epidural, she was relaxed and joking. Part of me thought about how I might want one of those one day... she progressed super fast, and before we knew it, around midnight she was telling everyone she needed to PUSH. The doctor set everything up (it felt like forever for me, so it was probably worse for her!) and then they set her up in the stirrups and I manned the camera. I wish I had pictures to put up but I'm sure Becca will take care of that soon so check out her blog. Anywho, after about TEN MINUTES of pushing (which Celia said was so not painful or anything) out popped Eliza. She was a solid six pounds, and they had to take her away for a CPAP. What is up with the CPAPS? It seems like every baby I know gets one!

Anyways, pretty much immediately after Eliza's arrival I needed to go home because I was hurting and needed to get into bed. I barely could drive.

I arrived home and hopped into bed and figured the contractions would cease because they always do at night. Needless to say, they didn't. So we got out of bed and ate some Cap'n Crunch and packed up our birth supplies. The drive to the hospital was pretty intense. My back was KILLING me. That was what hurt the whole time... the back labor was by far the worst part (they think he might've been posterior and flipped at the last minute when I was on hands and knees).

We arrived at the hospital and they checked me in triage and I was still only at a 4+/5. I was so disappointed because I was sure those surges were doing SOMETHING. (Side note: while the nurses were attending to me, we heard screaming down the hall. A woman had her baby in the elevator on the way up to the L&D floor... CRAZY). My midwife Jessica almost sent us home to come back when I was actually in labor, but she let us walk around for a few hours to see if anything happened, and if it did, we could be admitted. We did that, and the next time the nurse checked I was a solid 5 and my cervix was really floppy and effaced. So they let us stay! Awesome, part 1.

I got to my room and the first order of business was filling up that jacuzzi tub. And OH MAN. It helps SO MUCH. Tim put on the hypnobirthing CD, even though I couldn't really concentrate on it so we ended up playing a playlist of Ingrid Michaelson/Norah Jones -ish songs. It was nice. I labored a good four or five hours just in the tub, going from a 5 to a 7. It was pretty slow-going because I was really relaxed in the tub, almost falling asleep a few times. But even though it was slow, it was worth it because I was hardly in any pain.

Then, I got out of the tub and labored on the ball for a while and walked around the room. Then I got back in the tub. I really liked the tub.

During the whole process of up to 8/9 cm, I really was not in that much pain. I kept thinking it would get worse, and I was really nervous about it, but I kept on pushing through. I really enjoyed most of my labor. My midwife was SO awesome, she let me just do my thing. She even suggested things like eating during labor (I can't imagine not eating... I was starving at some points and those granola bars and apples and gatorade helped a lot) and let me get in the tub after my membranes released (even though I thought I couldn't). She hung out and talked, and told me that she amazed at how I was coping with everything. When I was having a surge, I would just put my head down in moan, but they really didn't last that long and I would look right back up and start talking again. We chatted about being a midwife and childbirth and all sorts of things. It was so different from having a doctor just come in to catch. I really felt like she cared about being there and wanted to hang out with me.

Speaking of membranes releasing, it never happened by itself, so when I was finally 8/9 cm I told Jessica I wanted her to go ahead and do it manually because I knew I just needed to get over that hump into the transition phase and then it would be time to have him. So, around 11 am, Jessica broke my water. And first of all, she said I had the toughest bag of waters ever. It took about 4 or 5 tries to finally get it ruptured and leaking (which felt amazingly good). She said that's a sign of good nutrition though, and it's probably why he stayed in there so long through so many weeks of contractions. Second of all, Jessica said it would take some time before it kicked in and I would ease into the transition phase. NOT. About two minutes after she did it, I was in the most intense pain I've ever experienced. I was puking between surges and I was so convinced that I could not go on. I kept asking for drugs and yelling like a cave woman. It took a really long time (I don't know how long because I was so zoned into myself) to get a last anterior lip of cervix that I had to go away. And I screamed. I feel so bad for everyone around me because I was so inside myself I couldn't pay attention or think about anything else. I screamed like a banshee and I know I threw out some naughty words and I might've been a little abrasive but there was really no way I could communicate. It was the most surreal experience I've ever had. I was so focused on one objective and that was getting this baby out and getting rid of the intense pain.

After, I don't know, an hour of transition, Jessica used her fingers to push at the anterior lip while I pushed down during a contraction (they were no longer surges at this point... they were CONTRACTIONS) and I finally got over that hump. And this came the urge to push. More powerful than any sensation I've ever experienced. And pushing actually did not hurt. It felt soooooo good and relieving. When I was taking breaks between pushing was when it kind of hurt, but the bearing down as hard as I could getting that baby out felt so amazing.

Pushing felt great, but what didn't feel great was the fact I hadn't slept in two days and my body was absolutely spent. Little Theodore would not get around that pubic bone (his arm was up around his chest and he would not descend right) no matter how hard I pushed. It was a horrible feeling to push super hard, look down and see his little head, and then feel it go back in. I kept touching it to feel my progress because it kept reminding me how close I was to being finished. And by close, I mean it took 2 hours. Which felt like forever, but also felt really fast.

I finally told my midwife that I couldn't do it anymore and she had me set a timeline. I told her I could not push anymore after 20 minutes. That was my limit. I told her to go call the doctor and get him to come in the vacuum, and she went to do just that. As soon as she left the room, the thought of a vacuum extractor hooked up to my little Theodore's head gave me a burst of renewed energy and I bore down and pushed harder than I ever thought possible. I remember the nurse grabbing the phone to call down and get Jessica to come back because the baby was finally coming. Jessica ran back in, and told them to not call the doctor in because I was having this baby my way. Tim got set up to catch him and I closed my eyes and reached for something inside myself that I was sure had left me hours before. I held my breath and after a few solid pushes, his head emerged. I kept pushing little short pushes then so I could stretch and not tear (which I didn't!) and finally in the best feeling moment in my life, his head came out and the rest of his body just kind of slid. Tim caught him and placed him immediately on my chest and we rubbed him down. He never took a breath or started crying and was a little limp, so Jessica called in the respiratory team and took him away from me. This was probably the worst part of the day.... I couldn't bear that I had just worked so hard and I wanted those moments right after birth to look into his eyes and bond with him and feel those rush of love hormones but there he was, separated from me and surrounded by other people. Tim went with him down to the NICU after I got to hold him for THIRTY SECONDS, no longer (as instructed by the NICU nurse who was not very nice to me and only let me after I begged for those few moments).

And that is how our little Theodore came into the world. It was the most physically-demanding and spiritual experience of my life. I can't believe I actually did it, and I remember sitting in the bed after just thinking about how awesome I was. It was so empowering, so raw, so intense.

Abercrombie, Fitch & the Sexual Objectification of Women

I don't ever shop there because it's like walking into a porn store, but now I really have a reason.

When is our society going to realize that you can't just objectify women like this? Because objectification=domestic violence/rape/sexual assault.

Coming home

Getting him dressed for the ride home.
There he is looking super tiny in his car seat.
Out the door.
Home at last.

He's doing super well. He's celebrated his new home by pooping, peeing and spitting up on everything. Cait's pretty exhausted, but she's sleeping now and hopefully we'll all adjust soon.

My wife is hot

Even two days after giving birth.

New pictures

We have some new pictures and stories up at the other site. Leave your email to be invited.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

More Pictures

Here's Cait's sister Allison with the baby.
If she had her way, she'd never let him go.
Not Pornographic
The view from our window

Going home

Atticus is about to go home. We'll probably head out in a few hours. He's doing super well and we're excited to have him with us in his new home. We're busy getting ready to go, so we'll update a little later.

Time to move on

It's time for us to go private, at least partially. We just want to make sure our baby is safe and has his privacy protected. We're going hybrid. We are going to keep all of our non-baby related posts here, so that new people can find our blog if they want to, but we'll also run the private blog with all our baby stuff. We'll link to all of our baby articles on this site, so it wont be necessary to check both all of the time to see if we've updated the baby blog. I'm going to move a lot of the stuff we've already posted to that site. Send me or Cait an e-mail I'm timkaybrowning and she's caitlinpcarroll (at) gmail .com or just leave your email in the comments section anywhere and we'll find it. We'll try to invite as many people as we can, but I'm sure we'll miss some, so be sure to let us know, because we want everyone to see it who wants to and isn't a creepazoid..

We'll also be referring to our baby as Theodore once again on this site, please do the same. We're also going to delete any comments that give any baby information, but they'll be on the new site with their original posts.

Here's the link:

The many Attici

There are many who do not like our choice of names. We do not particularly care, but we wanted to make sure there were no negative connotations associated with the name Atticus. So, naturally, we googled it.
According to Wikipedia, Atticus could refer to the following:
* Archbishop Atticus of Constantinople (406–425)
* Atticus Finch, the central character in To Kill a Mockingbird
* Titus Pomponius Atticus (110 BC/109 BC Р32 BC), an ancient Roman litt̩rateur / philosopher
* Herodes Atticus (c. 101-177), a Greek rhetorician
* Atticus (c. 175), an Academic philosopher and author of lost Plato commentary
* Atlas moth, genus Atticus
* Atticus Circle, a non-profit advocating for LGBT issues in Texas
* Atticus Clothing, a clothing line developed by musicians
* Atticus (band), an alternative rock band from Knoxville, Tennessee
* Atticus Rhodes, a character in the English dub of the Japanese anime Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
* Atticus, a novel by American writer Ron Hansen
Of course, we got the name from To Kill a Mockingbird, a book I read for the first time in my second trimester. I can't believe it took me so long to read it, but I grabbed it one day in our tiny downtown library and could not put it down in the two days it took me to finish it. After watching the movie a few weeks later with Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch, I was hooked on the name.
And as for all of the other above references to Atticus, I am perfectly ok with all of them. I especially like the non-profit advocating for LGBT issues and the alternative rock band from Knoxville (my mom went to high school and college there, so we have lots of connections to the city). But my favorite Atticus is Titus Pomponius Atticus because this is what we read about him:
"In one his collections of biographical sketches, Cornelius Nepos described the life of an Epicurean from the first century B.C., the banker, publisher, and close associate of Cicero, Titus Pomponius Atticus:
Titus Pomponius Atticus, descended from the most ancient Roman ancestry, kept uninterrupted the equestrian rank inherited from his forbears. His father was industrious, by the standards of those days wealthy, and greatly interested in literature. He, in accord with his love of letters, educated his son in all those branches of learning in which boyhood should be made to shareAs a boy, in addition to a natural capacity for learning, he also had an exceptionally agreeable expression and tone, so he not only swiftly learned passages that were set, but also recited them extremely well. As a result he had a distinguished reputation among his peers and shone forth more brightly than his high-born schoolmates could bear with indifference. Thus he roused them all by his own zeal: among their number were—Lucius Torquatus, the younger Gaius Marius, and Marcus Cicero; with all of whom he became so close that no one was dearer to them throughout his life.
His father died early. As a young man, because of his being an in-law of Publius Sulpicius, who was killed while tribune of the plebians, he had some share in that danger; for Anicia, a cousin of Pomponius on his mother's side, had married Servius, Sulpicius' brother. So when Sulpicius was killed and Atticus saw that the state was thrown into strife by the disorder Cinna incited, and that he was given no opportunity to live in keeping with his rank without offending one side or the other—the citizens' loyalties were divided with some favoring the party of Sulla, others that of Cinna—he thought it was the right time to devote himself to his studies and moved to Athens. Nevertheless, when the younger Marius had been declared an enemy of the state, he helped him from his own resources and assisted his escape with money. And in order that his travels abroad should do his estate no harm, he moved a substantial part of his fortune to Athens.
There he lived in such a manner that he became greatly beloved by all Athenians, and for good reason. For apart from his personal charm which was already abundant in his youth, he often relieved their public want from his own resources; when they were obliged to roll-over the public debt and were unable to obtain reasonable terms for it, he always intervened on terms where he never accepted usurious interest rates from them nor allowed them to remain in debt beyond the term fixed. Both conditions were advantageous to them, since he neither suffered their debt to become overdue by his leniency nor to grow through compounding of the interest. He augmented this service by a further act of generosity: he gave them all six modii [~50 liters] of wheat per person: the equivalent measure being called a medimnus at Athens.
His behavior in Athens was such that he showed himself to be at one with the humblest and equal with the mighty. The result was that they bestowed upon him all the public honors possible and desired to make him a citizen. This gift he was unwilling to take advantage of, because the jurists hold that if one becomes a citizen elsewhere, Roman citizenship is forfeited. So long as he lived there, he opposed the erection of any statue to him, but when he left he could not stop them. And so they put up several statues to him and Phidiae in their most sacred places, for in all the administration of the state's business, they treated him as both agent and adviser. It was, therefore, fortune's foremost gift that he was born in that very city where rulership over the world resided, so that it was for him both his fatherland and home; on the other hand, it was a mark of his wisdom that when he moved to the city which surpassed all others in its antiquity, culture, and learning, he was dearer to it than all other men....
At dinner-parties no one heard any entertainment other than a reader, which is quite delightful in my opinion, nor was there ever a dinner at his house without some reading to please his guests' minds not less than their bellies; for he invited people whose way of life was not incompatible with his own. When the great increase in his wealth occurred, he made no change in his daily routine and displayed such moderation that neither on the 2 million sesterces [~ 62,500 troy ounces of silver] which he had inherited from his father did he live with insufficient splendor, nor on 10 million sesterces [~ 312,500 troy ounces of silver] did he live in greater extravagance than before, and on both fortunes maintained the same level. He had no gardens, no expensive villa near Rome or by the sea, nor any country estate in Italy, except for those at Arezzo and Mentana. All his income came from the estates in Epirus and Rome. From this one can see that he measured the usefulness of money not by quantity but by reason.
He never told lies nor could endure them. Hence his courtesy did not lack severity nor his gravity charm, so that it was difficult to understand whether his friends more respected or loved him. Whenever a request was made him, he gave his word scrupulously, because he thought it not generous but rather capricious to the extent that one could not perform. He was also so careful in attending to what he had promised them that he gave the impression of carrying out not a mandate for another but his own business. He never tired of a venture once undertaken, for he thought his own reputation was involved in it, and than that there was nothing dearer to him. Thus the consequence was that he looked after all the business affairs of the Ciceros, of Marcus Cato, Quintus Hortensius, Aulus Torquatus, and of many Roman equestrians besides. From this the judgment is permissible that he avoided administration of the state's business not from indolence but from choice.
What more should I tell of Atticus' devotion to his family? I heard him priding himself on just this at his mother's funeral, whom he buried at the age of ninety, being himself sixty-seven, that he never had occasion to need reconciliation with his mother nor quarreled with his sister, who was roughly his own age. That is a sign either that no conflict had ever occurred between them or that he was so indulgent towards his family that he judged it vicious to be angry with those whom he ought to love. Nor did he do this because of nature alone, although we all obey her, but also on account of his principles, for he had so fully perceived the precepts of the principal philosophers that he employed them for conducting his life, not for show."
Hopefully our little Atticus can live up to such a great name.

The many Theodores

This post at And Baby. Email me or Cait for an invite.