Monday, January 28, 2013

"What is he DOING with his life??"

There are few things that bug me more than people thinking Tim is lazy because he's isn't DOING ANYTHING with his life. When they would never have that assumption of a mother who was staying at home with her children.

"Oh, Tallulah is 18 months next year, time to put her in daycare so Tim can DO SOMETHING with his life."

Yeah, ok, so he IS DOING SOMETHING. He is being a parent, and a dang good stay-at-home parent at that. And not to compare, but he's probably doing better than most stay-at-home moms. This week, he even organized a storytime play group to beat the winter blues. He is always on time to pick Atticus up from preschool. He packs nutritious lunches. He (could) make dinner every night, but sometimes I co-opt it (because I like to cook). He does the grocery-shopping.... by bike. With kids. He cloth-diapers. He takes the kids to pediatrician appointments. He walks Tallulah outside in the Ergo every time she needs a nap because I let her get too addicted to nursing to sleep. He reads a million books to Atticus and never gets bored of it. He is the best Lego/Lincoln Logs/train set builder (I get bored after about 5 minutes). Our kids spend their days playing in the sink, being run in the jogging stroller, and going to the Bookmobile all while listening to NPR. They are well-fed and well-clothed and Atticus (almost) never watches TV. He has this new app for organization, so he keeps the house clean, reads several books a week, takes a vitamin every day, and does yoga in the living room. How many SAHMs can brag about that??

I will admit Tim struggled at the beginning and I was frequently annoyed with his lack of ability to keep the house clean and kids fed. But... he has really progressed, and let's not let this go unsaid. I do believe he would defend my parenting honor should it ever be questioned (which it won't, because society NEVER, EVER EVER can be critical of a mother unless she is a drug addict). On the other hand, it's kind of cool to have your roles reversed in a way. When Tim is out, people are like "wow, you are a great dad, look at you being nurturing" and then when I'm at school rocking my classes everyone is all like "wow, I don't know how you do it, you're like the best student and mom ever."





Anyways.... next time you are tempted to think a SAHD needs to be "doing something" with his life, you can think it, but don't say it out loud, especially to me. Unless you want me to write a blog post praising my wonderful, feminist husband, then feel free.

Tim says this one looks like he's taping Lu's mouth shut while Atticus is playing iPhone, thus showing his inferiority as a parent. Actually, Atticus is learning to type his name and Tim is wiping boogs off of Boogs. 
Tim is so creative with his sensory projects (snow on a cutting board).

Yoga.

The color experiment (one of Atticus's many art activities).

Pre-bed Mr. Rogers watching.

15 comments:

  1. I was going to try and stick up for myself when you said "he's doing better than most SAHMs"...but well...hells bells. Yoga and no tv, eh? He IS doing better than me. I concede his nobel victory and raise a soggy disposable diaper and a bottle of Klonopin in a salute of respect.

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    1. I actually retract that statement. It's never productive to compare one person to another, even if it's in gross generalizations. Tim is doing pretty fantastic, as are a million over stay-at-home parents. And maybe we are just doing better in different ways --- like, our kids never get haircuts and it takes really, really long nails to give me the incentive to cut them. And I've washed my kids hair like... twice... since Christmas. So, yeah, priorities :)

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  2. The post had me pretty convinced of Tim's prowess until I got to the part about Mr. Rogers watching, and then I was blown away. Those are some pretty lucky kids.

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  3. Good job Tim and Cait! Jamen was a SAHD for a while and yes, he was impressive. He remembered to do all the little things I forgot.

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  4. Way to go Tim! Just goes to show that men can do pretty much anything better than women.

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    1. Hey Westin, your logical fallacies are showing.

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    2. Where did I ever say in this post that men are better than women at staying at home? The point is, SOME men are better at it, SOME women are better at being physicists. Tim's personality and work ethic happens to be more nicely suited to being a SAHP than mine. It really has little to do with our biological sex. It has everything to do with who we are as individual people and where we happen to be at this time in our life.




      Also... I always find it a little funny when people come to our blog and leave critical comments.... I can't think of a single time Tim and I have ever gone to someone's personal blog and criticized them. Just a little telling of insecurities, methinks.

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    3. Wow this was a total joke. The fact that it WAS a logical fallacy was the joke, I don't really believe that. I also never implied that you said that in the post (you can skim through my comment again, but make sure you have a few minutes because it's rather lengthy). It was a sarcastically ignorant comment that I didn't think you would assume I believed. Sorry for the misunderstanding, it's probably just your insecurities, I understand.

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  5. That actually really offends me that people ask you that, or even imply that was he's doing doesn't count or is a waste. Probably because I feel insecure with my role as mother. I disagree that moms aren't criticized, though. I always feel like I'm not good enough.

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  6. "which it won't, because society NEVER, EVER EVER can be critical of a mother unless she is a drug addict"

    Are you serious? Do we live on the same planet? People being critical of moms is a HUGE problem and stems from massive socially constructed insecurity.

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    1. It is true Shelley. I guess I was thinking about how we are sooooooo careful to judge mothers, especially in an LDS setting. It's always "moms you're doing so good, moms you are so great, go moms!" and I think that is in response to the harsh criticisms from society.

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    2. I also tire quickly of hearing parents (both moms and dads) at my daycare saying things like, "I can't believe she uses a car seat outside of the car" or "She hasn't lost the baby weight yet, has she" or "She feed him formula? He's going to have a lot of emotional issues later on." It's ridiculous how many times a day I hear a parent judge other parents, and how they almost always use the pronoun "she." So I think that's where I'm coming from.

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  7. well said!!! way to go tim. seriously impressed with him and all the creative things he does with your kids and how well he takes care of them. i bet he is super busy all day long, how can someone ever think he is being lazy? ridiculous. i give you guys so many props for how hard you guys are working to raise healthy, happy kids.

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    1. Thanks Christa!! You guys are pretty awesome too. Your boys are precious. Atticus thinks so too, he just told me to write that.

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  8. hahaha! People are idiots who would even *think* something like that about Tim. Well. There's my two cents. Fantastic SAHP post.

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