Saturday, December 1, 2012

Fertility Fiasco

Tim and I don't have a great track record with using birth control. Hormones make me weepy and crazy, I'm semi-allergie to condoms (and the lambskin ones are ridiculously expensive), and now my uterus has expelled not one, but TWO, IUDS. Before we were married, I tried to procure a diaphragm and called every pharmacy in 100 miles and though I had a prescription no one would even special order one. We even used these weird dissolving sheets that looked like Listerine strips for a while. Why won't they just approve that effing male birth control pill?!

We've even considered permanent sterilization for one of us, but life circumstances can change in an instant and I'm nervous about deciding something when we are so young. We think we are done having babies... maybe... but our baby is only 8 months old, so who knows how we will feel in two or three years. I didn't even think anyone would even sterilize a 25-yr-old, but my gynecologist said she would have no qualms about it because she "had three babies in three years during her residency" and she would "think verrrrry hard about having a third child." But she did tell me she would make me wait six months to think about it, to which I replied, "I'll be pregnant in six months if we don't figure something out." And while I'm pretty sure with the amount of breastfeeding we are doing I won't even start ovulating until Lu is a year or so, I am still so nervous about getting pregnant that I won't even risk it.

And I'm not trying here to complain about being fertile or garner any kind of sympathy. Most people would consider this a blessing. I have scores of friends who are not able to have children, and while sometimes I am slightly jealous, I can't even pretend to understand how emotionally draining it must be.  It is more a gripe I have with the structures of our institutions...

I'm frustrated with the fact that I'm a liberated, educated woman in the 21st century who can't for the life of her figure out a solution. I can do statistics and learn Arabic with the best of them, but I can't actually control my fertility. And that leaves me nervous every time I have sex to where I can't really enjoy it so we aren't actually really ever doing it. Come on third-wave feminist movement, give me something to work with here! I need something easy, reliable, and with no serious side effects. Yes, please, thank you.

(and don't suggest NFP, the idea of it is so great in my head and maybe it could even work, but I would probably think I was constantly pregnant and waste a lot of money on pregnancy tests)


  1. Even femenism can't save you from being human. I have the same problem and no solution so far (besides being so dang tired that you don't want to have sex...that always works).

  2. Just wanted to comment that I also choose a diaphragm. However, it was really easy for me to get one. I believe I got it at the Smith's pharmacy on 9th and 9th in Salt Lake. I'd try that again, it really is a wonderful option.

  3. i use spermicide. i hate birth control pills and didnt want to do an iud. its called conceptrol in a blue and white box at walmart. its easy and not too pricy and ive been using it for several months and no pregnant accidents yet :) i like it cause its effective right away - u dont have to wait 15 minutes or aything - and its easy to use. good luck girlie!

  4. Haha NFP. That is so funny. The problem with natural family planning, is it is so not natural :) I actually one time physically lost my mind, did the mental math, got it on with my hubby, and realized after, I mean like the second after that I was ovulating. Pretty sure our bodies do that little trick on purpose. I saw this thing in India where they put glue in the vas deferens. It can last ten years but also has the possibility of being dissolved if you want to have another kid. Why can't that be here. After the forth kid Dr. J said he would get a vasectomy, but now we are 13 months out and neither of us has done anything. I'm starting to think there is a piece in his subconsciousness that just figures if we get preggo with number five I'll just get my tubes tied :) We always have a bit because I breastfeed so much but seriously something needs to be done soon. I was checking out sponges last time I was at the store, ah they were kind of expensive though and then you still have to use a spermicide. I've been thinking about trying birth control even though it makes me miserable. Oh well. If you figure out something good post it on the blog.

  5. We finally went the permeant route, but for Tom not me :)