Thursday, December 13, 2012


Living is scary. It is scary because we love so, so, so deeply, and in doing so, we set ourselves for so much heartbreak.

I can understand why some not only cling fiercely to the (LDS) Church but lash out against those who question things or shake up the status quo. The thought of this life having no meaning... the thought that maybe we are just masses of carbon and cells and are simply advanced beings created out of complex evolutionary goodness. What the heck is this universe anyways?! Where does it end?? What if one day we get sucked into a black hole?! And then it's over, just like it began. With the loudest sound ever that you can't even hear because it's sucked into the vacuum of space.

That is freakishly scary. Yes. And that is why one hopes. One hopes that there is someone overseeing all this... someone whose knowledge is greater than our own. Someone in control in what seems like a ridiculously uncontrollable universe. We cling to this person... we cling to God. The idea of God provides great hope for the human race, and it's only natural. We fear the unknown. We don't want to be dead and die and it be over. We love our mothers, crave our children's tiny bodies snuggled up next to us, and hope to have a cup of tea and laugh with our dear friends for an eternity.

I am not trying to say God is made up. There are too many experiences that I can't chalk up to coincidence (like how Cecilia and I had our babies on the same day.... or how I lost my wallet a few weeks ago and searched forever, said a little prayer and it was in a spot I had already looked a million times... or how I found so much happiness and joy in my marriage to Tim, someone I never thought I'd marry). Sure you can argue with me about confirmation bias and the fact that a lot of people don't have babies on the same days as their best friends and some people don't find their wallets or have happy marriages. But I'm (fairly) firmly in the camp of gnosticism. Today, at least.

So, humanly enough, when a group threatens to disrupt all we hold dear, we get angry. When the status  quo is working for you, you fight against it being upended (see: The Civil War, for example). Fortunately, humanity progresses. And it's get better for everyone, even if it takes away the privilege of those who are white. or male. or wealthy. Some people benefit greatly from their participation in the (currently-situated) LDS Church, and they do not want to see change. But that doesn't mean change won't help us all progress.

So, before you throw yourself whole-heartedly into telling me how apostate/evil/rebellious/silly I am because I will be wearing pants to Church on Sunday, think about all your ancestors who thought that about: Susan B. Anthony and Martin Luther King, Jr. and Margaret Sanger. And even... Joseph Smith. He was a radical in his day, and he paid for it with his life. Edmund Burke said: "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men [and women] do nothing. Do not allow evil to triumph. Do not do sit by and do nothing." I'm not saying the fact women don't usually wear pants to Church is evil. I'm saying it's a small act towards a much bigger problem of gender inequality, which is one of the greatest evils of our day and age.

Edit: After I wrote this, I read over at FMH this post... Lisa says it more eloquently than me! (but in my defense, I was writing this as I attempt to learn statistics)


  1. I still like the way YOU put it. And I like hearing about your spiritual experiences. I continue to have faith in humanity, the TBMs in my own circle have been surprisingly even-keeled about the whole thing.

  2. When we went to church in Seattle last week I noticed that several women were wearing pants. Not visitors, but regular members of the ward (primary teachers, member of RS pres, etc.) It wasn't a big deal, and I barely noticed. I'm still confused to the goal of the "Wear Pants to Church Day". What's the message? The goal? Is it a protest or an invitation to inclusivity? Did I tell you the story about L. Tom Perry's wife wearing jeans to church? This is not an original idea, and I'm not sure why both the participants and the opponents are making it into such a big deal.

  3. I am so glad that this is creating awareness and at least getting people talking...even if a lot of that talk is very painful to read ( or makes me want to punch people I have never met) but its going to get a lot of people thinking. I wish that I had your cool Egypt pants to wear this Sunday....but slacks will do just fine.

  4. Amen to Tallia. Soooo many people needing a punch in the face.

    But really? Conversation is good. I'm glad people are talking about it.

  5. Did you mean gnosticism? or AGnosticism?

  6. I like how we had our babies the same day :) That was one of the most spiritual days of my life. And I'm glad you married Tim, too :)