Last week for Enrichment (meeting for women), we had a lecture on getting your baby to sleep through the night. The presenter was a follower of BabyWise, a popular guide to everything parenting. This method advocates parent-centered parenting, in other words, don't let the baby rule the roost. Don't feed on demand, set a routine, etc. They advise that babies are capable of sleeping through the night at 6-8 weeks. What keeps them from doing this are the three dangerous sleep props, which include: nursing to sleep, rocking to sleep, and co-sleeping. Oops. We do all three. And Atticus is definitely not sleeping through the night. He sleeps all night, that's for sure, but he wakes up to nurse 2-3 times still (last night it was once, at 5:30, after being put down at 11-- GO ATTICUS!) According to this presenter and the BabyWise method, I should just stop feeding him at night. Because babies don't NEED to eat at night if they eat during the day and I need to teach him that. So, I'm supposed to just let him cry his pathetic little hungry cries all night.
Yeah, right! If my baby is hungry, I'm going to feed him! Even if he's actually not hungry and doesn't actually need to eat at night, maybe he just needs the comfort of a mama-breast, and I'm definitely not going to deny him comfort either. Some lofty and not-so-reliable research studies have shown that crying through the night leads to emotional disorders, ADHD, etc. later in life. Even if they are not exactly generalizable with large sample sizes or intervening variables, if there is any chance that what I'm doing now at night will be detrimental to his emotional health later, I will sacrifice an hour or so of sleep at night to nurse him back to sleep. They say the crying it out only lasts a maximum of 14 days, but that's two weeks I'd rather not go through. And maybe if he hits the year mark and is still not sleeping at night, or if I get sleep-deprived enough that I can't function during the day, we'll get him out of our bed and try something new. But for now, it's working for us, we love the arrangement, and Atticus seems to be a happy and healthy little guy. (And corollary to previous post on me not sleeping: I started running every day, and am sleeping much, much better. I had gotten out of the habit when I was large and pregnant, and now getting back into shape has done wonders for my sleep).
But... back to the story: After this presenter began bashing on co-sleeping, my lovely neighbor and fellow co-sleeper decided she could sit quietly no longer, and simply began to outline the reasons she loved sleeping with her daughter (now 18 months, and still nursing at night). And I'll tell you, her daughter is the most securely-attached, well-adjusted, and smartest little toddler you will meet. She's very independent and very friendly to everyone. And her parents love co-sleeping. They love having her around. And I see why, because she is really adorable and absolutely hilarious. But when my neighbor started saying this, the presenter started crying. Why? Still do not know that one. Guilt maybe? Nerves, probably. But either way, our Enrichment that night was pretty dramatic. And the conversation on infant sleep, continues in our ward...
How could you not give in to this little guy? Come on...
ha haha! wow i don't miss byu married student wards, actually we were never in one but i can imagine. and i don't know what babywise is but i do know that once i got alice's schedule down (the schedule she chose not the one i chose for her) she has been sleeping through the night and not had to cry herself to sleep once. and the more she sleeps the better she sleeps. i could never let her cry that much it would break my heart that would be a real reason for me to cry i think,
ReplyDeleteThere's a difference, I believe, between an under 6 month old crying because they are hungry or need to suck, and an older baby (like Ben) fussing just because.. Ben often wakes up and fusses, and I leave him be. Often, he finds his pacifier, or settles back in. He doesn't need to be nursed at 11 months. But if he starts wailing, or cries hard for more than about a minute (or 5 sometimes, when I lay him down), I go pick him up and love on him. Seriously, why wouldn't you? Obviously, if a baby is crying, like loud, they need something. Because they can't talk. I still usually nurse Ben once in the middle of the night.
ReplyDeleteI do think you should consider getting Atticus attached to some sleep items. Pacifiers and blankies, loveys, etc. are so helpful when they are a little older.
Thanks for this reminder. I have both of my little ones are co-sleeping and nursing at night. This usually works out quite well. But I must say, some nights things get interesting. I do love co-sleeping with my babies. I love snuggling with them and nursing them (with out all the wiggles from my older one). I love that my babies are attached to me and not some object. Sometimes I think of changing our sleep patterns (mostly for my 2 year old) but I can't stand the thought of him sleeping all alone in another room. Who wants to sleep alone? Anyway, thanks for reminding me about why I love to sleep with my babies. And I, personally, think BabyWise is scary stuff
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel Caitlin. it is hard sometimes though. We now have a beautiful two-weeks-shy of one-year-old and he doesn't sleep through the night. And when he was waking up 5-6 times a night over the last few weeks it got really really hard. One time, my husband finally convinced me we should let him "cry it out" (oh evil curse word) but really we let him go for 30 minutes (with checking on him) and he wailed. After 30 minutes i couldn't handle it (i was losing my mind) and when i picked up my poor little angel i saw something i have never seen. he didn't trust me. He was scared of me and didn't want me as much. Luckily after an hour of nursing-cuddling he was better but it scared me to see how he felt completely deserted. I know it might be crazy to do it with two... but i just can't make him cry.
ReplyDeleteyeah i hate the cry it out method...i finnaly did it with Jackie when she was one because she was still not sleeping through the night...but we only did it 2 nights and she slept through the night...Abby sleeps with us and i love the snuggles...some nights more then others but i could nto imagine letting my poor baby cry when i know a minute or 2 of nursing is all she needs to send her back to dream land!
ReplyDeleteI do all three. I just started reading the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child book and it says it's perfectly normal for breastfed babies to wake up. If you want your baby to sleep, give them formula all the time. I get up with Eliza and some nights, it stinks. But hey, it's worth it. And it's our time.
ReplyDeletep.s. This has been the hot topic at our house. I love how we learn together. I wish we had talked about this. I love co-sleeping, and I'm glad you agree that it is a wonderful thing.
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ReplyDeleteYour baby is so adorable, I can't believe how perfect his features are..
ReplyDelete... My almost two yr old still wakes up at night sometimes. That's fine with me. I really wish she still wanted to co-sleep, I had to let it go a year ago when she told me in no uncertain terms that she wanted her own space. I miss it, and I can't imagine letting her cry it out no matter how old she is.
I think that you should do what works best for you. Shay and Jill and I all do Babywise, and it works for us for different reasons. I like it because I don`t like to rock Aidan for an hour every night, and put him down and he wakes up, and it all starts over again. But some mothers aren`t bothered by that. I also do better with a routine, especially when he was nursing. I told a friend of mine who does the on demand parenting that I like to be able to hear Aidan cry and know that he`s hungry or tired or whatever it is. But that`s what works for me and helps me understand him better. You know what works best for the three of you. And yes, the two weeks of listening to him cry himself to sleep was hard, but worth it(even though I cried along with him) now that I can lay him down and he goes to sleep on his own.
ReplyDeleteI'm totally intrigued that she started crying. what's up with that??? I ditto Lauren. I do babywise, but I'm not hard core. who can let their baby scream for 30 minutes without crying themselves? But, I also think to each his own. What works for me and my family isn't necessarily the right fit for another. I would definitely recommend Babywise and answer questions if asked but I wouldn't preach it as gospel in enrichment. Mothers have a hard enough time without feeling judged by other mothers. Atticus seems extremely happy and well adjusted, so you go girl (and guy)!
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