I understand sometimes breastfeeding doesn't work. Sometimes babies have a hard time, for whatever reason: given a bottle at the hospital and lack of general support, in the NICU for prematurity, underweight and not able to transfer enough, cleft palate, moms going back to work full-time.... I see it all and I get it. Something that blows my mind and I just can't comprehend is these stay-at-home moms who are "too busy" with other obligations to breastfeed. Like I had one mom with something like three other kids, and argued with me forever about how she only was going to breastfeed the first month and then switch to formula because she wouldn't have help after that, and breastfeeding complicated her life too much. If you get past the first month (usually the hardest one) and breastfeeding is going well, why on earth would you consider formula EASIER?! It seems like it adds a ton of work to your load... buying the formula, preparing the bottles, feeding the baby, washing the bottles, etc. Especially if you have already got the breastfeeding thing down where it's just whip it out and feed the baby, carry on with daily life. Not to mention if you have older toddlers/preschoolers running around with their snotty noses, bringing home all sorts of who-knows-what into the house for the baby to catch, seems like you'd want that extra immunity protection.
Can someone help me understand why a stay-at-home mom would choose not to breastfeed due to time constraints even if things start out well in the beginning?!
Also... if you are too busy to nurture and cuddle your baby, why even have one? If you have too many other kids that you leave your babe in a carseat all day and prop up the bottle every few hours, why bother? (and what is with the carrying your baby in a carseat thing?! I will never understand. Those things are heavy, cumbersome, bad for babies' heads and development... why can you not just carry your baby in from the car if they aren't sleeping? And who doesn't want to hold their new baby ALL THE TIME? I know I did. I would fight with Tim in the beginning to hold him during Church, but most moms I see at Church just leave their baby in a carseat the whole meeting and occasionally look down and make a face or hand them a pacifier. Don't get it, at all).
Can someone help me understand why a stay-at-home mom would choose not to breastfeed due to time constraints even if things start out well in the beginning?!
Also... if you are too busy to nurture and cuddle your baby, why even have one? If you have too many other kids that you leave your babe in a carseat all day and prop up the bottle every few hours, why bother? (and what is with the carrying your baby in a carseat thing?! I will never understand. Those things are heavy, cumbersome, bad for babies' heads and development... why can you not just carry your baby in from the car if they aren't sleeping? And who doesn't want to hold their new baby ALL THE TIME? I know I did. I would fight with Tim in the beginning to hold him during Church, but most moms I see at Church just leave their baby in a carseat the whole meeting and occasionally look down and make a face or hand them a pacifier. Don't get it, at all).
i'm glad you wrote this. I've been reading "Last Child in the Woods," and it talks about 'container' parenting, where kids are left in places like carseats, little chairs, strollers, etc... for most of the day. It made me so sad! I never take Remy around in a carseat, I couldn't even if I wanted to. He wants to get out, and it is soooo heavy. I'm glad i'm not the only one who has been wondering about that at church though. Also, breastfeeding is a million times more convenient. I am also baffled/interested to know this persons reasons. you're great.
ReplyDeletei just re-read that comment and realized that it makes me sound really self-righteous and like I am just the best parent, I"m not. I just likewise am confused at the things we sometimes think we need/should do that make our lives more complicated, like hauling around a carseat.
ReplyDeleteOkay so you don't know me but I love reading your blog. I am all for breastfeeding. I'm not perfect so I have had my moments were I have felt like breastfeeding was a pain because I just wanted to be able to go out for a girls night, but I couldn't leave my baby just to name an example... But when I had to wean my 15 month old because I'd been trying for months and months to get pregnant with my 2nd to no avail I cried and cried. Thankfully I got pregnant the next month and now am breastfeeding my 2nd, but I really don't get peoples excuses either. I have so many friends who have told me breastfeeding just wasn't for them and they didn't like it one bit. WHAT THE HECK!? I will never be able to understand that. I want what is best for my children and that is to be breastfeed and I love the bonding that comes along with breastfeeding!
ReplyDeleteAmen. Sista.
ReplyDeleteI hate those car seats. And the little babies with the bottles propped up make me so sad, I always tell every client all the reasons why they shouldn't do that and they always say something like "oh I never do that". Yeah, I'm sure you just started, just now.
ReplyDeleteThere are lots of babies I want to take home from work.
I didn't nurse my first after two weeks becuase she had not at that time recovered her birth weight and I wasn't producing enough, so the doctor had us switch to straight formula so she would grow, with my second lithium is bad for babies, so no nursing him either (incidently, we also decided after him with my mental health and all that two was good and the hubs got the fix). As for the bottle propping, I confess, I've done it, not often, but I did do it if baby boy decided he was hungry while I was shopping. I only have two hands, and if they were both being used to get us through the store with groceries and keep his big sis in line, well, a blankey to prop the baba with me keeping an eye on him wasn't so bad, to me. Carseat useage, not me. I would leave him asleep in it if he was asleep already and when our car wasn't working and we rode the bus I did like to have him in the carseat, just becuase I felt like it was safer for him, and then if we went shopping or something where there was a cart, I'd switch him. Generally, I always held my babies during church.
ReplyDeleteI`m with you. It`s free, ready made, and better for them. I did it for a year and missed it when I stopped. It was great snuggle time. I agree, no bottles to prepare or wash, no screaming baby while you are making the bottle....I don`t get it either.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled acrossed your blog and I'm glad I did, I found it really great. This post is wonderful and I 100% agree with you! hmm you're too busy for your child to feed them and pay attention to them...then don't have them :)
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to pretend I don't understand that it's possible people have good reasons for doing these things, but...
ReplyDeleteI agree. Those two things are mysteries to me, too.
Yep. Yep. I completely agree. Oddly enough I did formula feed and we did carry the twins around in those big-ass car seats (sorry, but really, that's the only word I can use to describe them).
ReplyDeleteYou've read my breastfeeding story and I'm still a little sad I didn't give it more of a shot. When bay #3 comes along, hopefully I'll have the experience and regrets to fuel my determination to breastfeed. Nursing twins was really too much for my inexperienced self to handle, but I hated using that as an excuse. I hated failing at it. For that reason, I too am baffled when women simply choose not to. Its frustrating because I wish they could see what their baby is missing out on because of a simple choice they are making. It makes me sad.
As for the car seats. Josh refused to baby wear. He thinks it looks silly when men do it unless they're hiking. I tried wrapping both girls in our Moby and I wore both of them for a while, but after a few weeks, it just didn't work anymore. That's another thing I want to do with baby #3 (who by the way is not coming in our near future...) I HATED carrying those stupid seats. And carrying both of them by myself? Ridiculous. Baby wearing makes SO much sense and I don't understand why more women (or men for that matter) don't do it.
So although I did both of these things, I really have no excuses for it. I think being thrown into parenting with twins had its benefits, but it definitely had its downside too. I often wonder how different that first year of parenthood would have been with just one baby. I guess I'll never know though...
How smokes. That was a novel. Sorry!
Okay so i am all for the breastfeeding, i even pumped for a year with my first because she would not nurse right, so i dont get most excuses :) Breast is best!
ReplyDeleteI am a car seat lover although :) I will admit while shopping my kids were in them (MUCH EASIER especially after the 2nd) Church my kids typically slept through church if we put them in their car seat so if they were asleep or sleepy i put them in there so i could pay more attention in church, because when i hold my kid i never pay much attention they are to fun!
I will say say my poor Abby got a whole lot of less attention and time in the swing or bouncer than Jackie did because there was so much else to do with 2 kiddos!
So I am totally probreastfeeding, in fact number three was at it for 20 months! That being said, I'd be hesitant to judge people who are in a position I am not. When your kids enter school and start doing activities you find yourself with a whole lot less time then you thought you would have. I mean who would have guessed it? I thought I'd have all this extra time...um no. Instead I spend tons more time in the car. We picked a school we could walk to, but because of overlap in the afternoon of preschool and school release we have to pick up both in the car, and of course we have to drive number two to pre=school meaning number three spends at least an hour and half in the car each day. It is where she has taken her nap since birth. I've actually started stressing out about this issue with number four on the way, due December/January. What if the baby needs to nurse while I'm in carpool lane. Do I pull baby out and nurse it while driving? (something a friend of mine does!!!) Do I sit and listen to baby scream? Do I give baby a bottle? If so, pumped milk or formula? These are difficult decisions. Then there are the activities, we only do gymnastics and tae kwon do now, but number three is ready to start activities as well, and we want to add piano for all the kids. This is more time in the car, more time sitting in parking lots or over crowded parenting waiting areas. Then I have the friend who just had number four and her number one boy just went to junior high. What didn't bother him three years ago when number three was born, suddenly does, and he stopped inviting friends over to hang out because the fear that mom might whip out her boob at some point was just to much for him. She ended up quiting after just a few months because she wanted him to feel more comfortable to have friends over again. My point is, my schedule and my life are no longer my own and these are real pressures that lead to real compromises, each individual just has to decide what they are willing to compromise and that is different for everyone, and even different depending on the time of life you are in.
ReplyDeleteoh man, i'm super happy i read this entry. all the things you mentioned TOTALLY light me up too. when i see someone propping up a bottle to a baby in a carseat i'm just like NO! NO NO! PICK UP YOUR CHILD! DO YOU WANT THEM TO BOND WITH PLASTIC OR WITH A HUMAN BEING?!
ReplyDeleteand i really cringe when stay-at-home moms don't breastfeed as well. i just think it's really unfortunate.
I am probreastfeeding and absolutely plan on breastfeeding our #4 which is on the way. Having said that, I absolutely agree with Crys. When my #4 is a year old, I'll have a kid in Middle School, a kid in elementary school and a kid in preschool. I have kids hanging all over me and needing things from me for most of my days and sometimes, I just need my space and if that means leaving the baby in the carseat for a bit or propping up a bottle, it doesn't mean I don't treasure him/her and absolutely adore him/her, it means I'm a person too and I have my own needs as well. We are better mothers when we take care of ourselves too. It took me 3 kids to learn that we all have different needs and parenting styles and all of our children would be much better off, much more loved and stable, if we judged less and supported more. The amazing thing is that even with all the different ideals and parenting styles, as long as the child is loved and cherished, they usually turn out just fine. If you want to carry your baby everywhere and nurse until they are 5, awesome, but you don't know what is happening in someone else's home, so cut them some slack. It's a good lesson to learn before you make it to 3 kids.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree with you more! I'm not a mom and don't plan on being for several years still, but this really is something I feel strongly about & love how you just went out and said if they don't have time to nurture a baby why they'd have one. I'd think it actually takes less time to just breastfeed than mix up and heat up a formula, but then again I'm not a mom. Don't get the lugging around a car seat thing either, but I'm also a big fan of holding/wearing babies.
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