Tallulah, 17 months

Being in Morocco and all, we have kind of dropped the ball on Tallulah's updates. She is changing so rapidly that it is sometimes hard to keep track of what she likes and does not like, what will make her happy, and what will make her explode in rage. She is turning into a crazy and hilarious toddler, complete with all that comes with the domain: uncontrollable laughing, constant exploration and discovery, and fits of frustration or exhaustion.

She still loves to nurse, and does so no fewer than eight times a day. I have the milk supply of a mom with twins at 3 months. For a while she had little interest in eating real food, but in Morocco, I did not either so I can't blame her. Now, she is eating everything that is put in front of her, usually brats, sauerkraut, or noodles of some variety. She loves fruit as much as her older brother, and can devour blueberries, pineapple, strawberries, and (now) bananas (which she hated for a really long time). She never liked cereal until two days ago when she ate a whole bowl of muesli. She still isn't a big fan of crackers, but she'll eat dried fruit and nuts like a seasoned hiker.

She is obsessed with going outside, and whenever the door opens, she rushes to the stairs in anticipation, usually grabbing "her" sand bucket and shovel she leaves by it. She knows how to gather up her shoes and bring mom's hers as well. She can navigate play equipment meant for much older kids, and has taken up the climbing rope wall as her personal challenge, and made it to the top of one a few days ago when we weren't paying attention, but she was totally unfazed by how high she was. She is a climber... and a fearless one at that. She also loves swimming, and will go under the water and come back up with huge smiles. She may be our little fish. She would jump right off the edge of the pool constantly in Morocco, and it became so exhausting keeping her alive that we opted many times to take our cautious Atticus alone because he is so much easier to watch! (terrible, I know)

She wants to ride a bike SO desperately.

She is a lover of reading. It took her a little longer to get into books, and she still hates being read TO, but she loves picking up a book and exploring the pages on her own, and I'll often peek in the room and find her in this comfy chair with a book. Sometimes she'll babble along and make up her own stories. So cute.

She still does not have any consistent words (surprising), but she recently took up signing and can sign milk, more, food, baby, please, and outside. We actually recently (yesterday) decided to send her to preschool/daycare in the fall, and she'll be going a few days a week in the afternoons. We were really on the fence about this one because we want her to have as much stay-at-home time as Atticus, but on the other hand, it's (nearly) free with the tuition assistance from the university and it will give Tim a chance to focus on his writing, assembly chair duties, and applying for grad school (maybe) without putting undue stress on me. This semester will be a little bit crazy as I'm going to be submitting and defending my pre-dissertation proposal for my research, taking 5th semester Arabic, and two reading-intensive seminars. It's a small classroom with 8 kids and 2 teachers, they play outside a lot, and it's located really close to our house. I think she'll love it, and maybe it will help her language skills develop. We get three weeks to try it out in September, so we'll see how it goes, and if we feel comfortable with it.

Her favorite spot

Everything makes a great phone.

Eating chocolate croissant in our Fes kitchen

Her adorable gap-toothed smile has brightened many a strangers' day, and she is never hesitant to walk up to strangers and befriend them. I know this is the place to say how fast she is growing up and how I can't believe she is almost 1.5, but that's not actually true for me. She has so much personality she feels like she's been here forever, and sometimes I can't believe she's ONLY been with us a little over a year. Maybe because we've had so many changes and moves since her birth 17 months ago (four moves? two cross-country drives? almost two trans-Atlantic flights? two-week train trip through Western Europe? how many 17 months have such a tumultuous life?) I forget about the time before she existed. We love her a lot, and tell her often. Atticus says it best: "Lulah is my best friend," which he says often and I think really means it.

 

 

Insecurity

As some of you know, I'm a little obsessed with breastfeeding. Also, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, among other things. I'm also a little judgmental when others don't do these things. A lot of times it's because I love it so much I can't understand why you as a parent don't. Soft, stretchy baby carriers make me happy in a way that strollers just cannot. But I think a lot of my judgmentalness stems from my own insecurity as a mother. I don't really like playing with my kids. I don't really like doing a lot of things, like giving them baths or taking them to children's museums. I'm kind of lazy in a lot of ways when it comes to parenting. I do these things most days (except the baths) because I know it will be healthy for them and their development and I want what is best for my kids. But when I'm feeling like a particularly unfit mother, I know I have one thing that I'm really, really good at, and that's breastfeeding. I can nurse my babies exclusively for 6-7 months, and it's not that much more difficult to keep it up through the toddler years. It's the one thing I have (ok, actually, I'm really good at putting my kids in expensive car seats and rear-facing them forever and installing them very, very correctly), that I KNOW without a doubt is best for my kids. And while it is tempting to use as a crutch, like "ah, he can eat a hot dog for lunch, I breastfed him for 2.5 years" or "one more episode of Caillou, he is still breastfed at least" I usually don't. So, when I don't read them at least 11 books a day or let them watch a little more TV, I won't feel quite as guilty because their little brains got all that yummy deliciousness as babies.

I think a lot of the mommy wars stems from insecurity. We are so busy criticizing others' parenting styles, because unless ours are the absolute right way, then we aren't doing the best by our children, and in this day and age, that freaks the hell out of mothers (I really shouldn't exclude fathers from this discussion because I've heard many a dad debate the pros and cons of co-sleeping and baby-wearing with the best of them) We need research to back our decisions, we need science to know that we are good mothers. Which in a way, is really quite sad. What about happiness as an indicator of well-being? Mom's happy, baby's happy, life is all good. Why do we need to know that TV is kiling brain cells or BPA will disrupt endocrine function or rooms with corners will hinder creativity?

I guess I can see how knowledge is power on so many levels, and the more educated you are the better decisions you can make for your family. But with that education comes terrible, guilt-inducing responsibility to be the absolute best parent you can possibly be, and in order to be that, you have to compare yourself to make sure you are being such. And when you compare, you inevitably judge others for their decisions, and are occasionally vocal about those decisions which in turn can hurt other's feelings when they aren't living up to the arbitrary standard you set for them on their behalf. Their insecurity then leads them to think their way is THE way and the cycle repeats.

Tim's been reading the attachment parenting book written by the artist formerly known as Blossom, and listening to her has made me think a lot about my own attitude. I've listened to bits and pieces so I'm not one to pass a judgment on her lifestyle or choices, but her tone is that of "this is the absolute best way of parenting and there is no other legitimate way to do so." I agree with her that our kids are over-vaccinated and over-academiced and over-sleep-trained but I don't think the answer lies in swinging to the absolute other side of no vaccines or ABC books.